But even when crying, he was still so cold, so NOT himself that it made me cry even harder. From the moment I let him know that I wouldn't leave him, he's back to his uncaring, indifferent, cold, childishly selfish but still so freaking hot self. When asked he said he "needed time to arrange this whole 'romance' thing" but what he just won't understand is that he should NOT buy me something very expensive or take me to that freaking hotel or at least I thought We were more than this. Well I also thought he wouldn't ever do anything like this, right? He literally tore my heart out... More than half a year and he wouldn't say a thing. The other problem is that I'm not sure if it's an 'us' or just 'him and me' anymore... I mean he did not care enough to talk about our problem, not a single word spent on getting 'us' back together, BUT actually "chat-fucking" that obese whore... great, isn't it? Please note that I was listening to 'Take it all' and 'He Won't Go' by Adele, 'Something to Believe In' by Bon Jovi, Paramore's 'Use Somebody' and 'Heavy On My Heart' by Anastacia while thinking.
Gaby by the way was more fair than I ever tought she'd be. Mich told her when he got home after my call and she immediately 'hung up' on him, wouldn't even 'answer the phone' since then, so she may only be reached through Lou which means that our 'meetings' on MSN became nearly totally impossible thanks to the beloved prof. Would be great to talk to her still.
On my other two girls (Little Sis & Andy): I could only praise their caring, all those minutes/hours spent listening to the 'story' and the way they made me feel alive and a maybe a bit confident again. Bon Jovi songs like 'Someday I'll Be Saturay Night', 'You Give Love A Bad Name', 'It's My Life', 'Wanted Dead or Alive', 'In and outta love', 'Bad Medicine', 'Bed of Roses', 'Keep the Faith', 'We Weren't Born to Follow', 'Blaze of Glory', 'Born to Be My Baby', '(You Want to) Make a Memory', 'Lay Your Hands On Me', 'No Apologies' and 'Livin' on a Prayer' pull me through as always.
After all we still started our new hobby, meaning that we actually used up a whole tube of glue and a hell lot of wooden sticks. One wall of six so far.
At last but not least his teeth... Oh Holy Goodness how handsome is he?! First time he smiled at me: jaw dropped, eyes nearly popped out, I was totally astonished, was gazing at him (and especially his teeth) like it was the 8th wonder of the world... still love, admire, pity and hate him at the same time is not easy for either of us.
I just hope I get to talk to Gaby this weekend...
Marion Cotillard - Take It All
(from the motion picture 'Nine')
You want my love?
Take it all!
You wanna watch it all come off?
Take it all!
Come on now,
show me how
you take it all!
You want my glove,
are you enthralled?
You want to see it slip away
and watch it fall?
Oh, we know it´s your show
so take it all.
You want the movement
to see what the hips can do.
Come watch the slikny girl,
see how the pasties twirl
to make your bells all ring
fulfulling everything you ever wanted.
So go ahead,
take it all!
You want my soul?
Take it all!
It´s time to leave,
if I´m to live
because I have no more,
there´s nothing left to give.
I watch you rise,
I watch you fall
while I am standing with my back
against the wall.
Now it´s your turn to finally learn,
you had the world,
you had your fling,
you wanted more than everything,
you got your wish,
you got your prize.
Now take it right between your thighs,
you grabbed for everything, my friend,
but don´t you see that in the end
there will be nothing left of me?
...and now it's time to go to bed with all my questions and doubts. Good night!
